Out of the House

I live in Vancouver, Canada.

The "jewel" on the Pacific.

I have lived in Vancouver all my life. I grew up in a working class house. Dad was a tradesman, mum stayed at home. They owned their own single family home on the East Side - well, the bank owned it - but they were on their way. I had a big back yard and we were close to a park and both levels of schools.

Something happened to housing prices in this city between my childhood and my adulthood with children of my own.

The husband and I are both working professionals. We cannot afford even a townhome or large apartment in this city. Wait, we could afford an apartment or townhome if we choose not to have children and we both worked full time. As it is, we choose to have two beautiful children. The question begged, where to we raise them.

We were lucky, we managed to get into co-operative housing. This is housing that is "member owned" as opposed to owned individually or housing that is rented by a landlord. We paid a share purchase of $2500 and then pay just under $1000 per month. The home is basic, hardly luxurious. However, we are walking distance to schools, library, community centers, grocery shopping and next door to a bus stop that will take us anywhere in the city. We also have a wilderness park abutting our backyard. $1000 per month for this in one of the most expensive cities is pretty darn good.

However, it is not the home/yard of my own childhood. Gone is the huge basement where I would spend hours childproof "playroom" where I could run, do crafts and wreck havoc without wrecking my parents house. Gone is the huge backyard which was like an enclosed advertureland for a four year old.

I go crazy keeping the kids out of things. I need to get out of the house. It's not that I want to get out of the house - I NEED to get out of the house. I am lucky - one of the programs operating near my cooped up co-op is called "Family Place"

Family Place is a program funded partly by membership, the Provincial government and some civic funding. It operates three times per week. Parents and children (ages 5 and under) go there to play and socialize. None of the parents meeting here has a big basement. None of them has a big backyard. We are all in co-ops, basement suites and subsidized units. Some parents are cash strapped as they purchased small townhouses and have little left over after mortgage and other necessary monthly expenses. We are all welcome at Family Place. The program is free.

I appreciate this program on so many levels. It saves my sanity. It is fun for the kids. I get to speak to other parents in the area and the co-ordinators are wonderful and knowledgable about all issues involving children and families.

Having young children can be very isolating. Parents take a huge cut in income (either by choosing not to work full time or paying for expenisive daycare). Many places are not welcoming for young children and their parents (such as having clean, accessible public washrooms with change tables). We end up spending a lot of time at home. When home is very small - we go a little nuts.

I write this entry into my blog for a couple of reasons:

1. To say "Thank You" to Family Place.

2. To say to anyone without children - Please be patient when you see a parent with a stroller coming onto the bus. Show some compassion when you see a parent navigating through the mall with three kids (all in diapers). Please support programs that support young parents in your community, in your churches/places of worship.  Families are part of the community and they NEED the community.

We are just losing our minds and need to get out of the house.

Cranky Cranky..

I have been known to be cranky.

Ask my family, friends and co-workers. They know.

Sometimes my crankiness is caused by the actions of others. Sometimes it is caused by hormones (I get crankier every 28 days or so.....) It's true, either externally or internally caused, I get cranky.

This is not to say that those around me deserve my wrath. Even people who are purposely rude or hurtful to me don't deserve my ire. I am reminded of a debate I had with a Superhost instructor in the mid 1980's. She was trying to tell the class that the "customer is always right." I disagreed. When a customer is saying hateful or abusivse things to a business owner or worker, they are not "right" However, as a worker or business person, we are "always a professional" and have the ability to deal with any behavior in a respectful way (for both the hot tempered customer and for ourselves and others around us).

I was on the Skytrain today with three children (my own two year old and seven month old baby and another four year old child). A woman almost tripped on a teenagers bag (which was blocking the door). The woman was mad at the teen for having her bag there. The teen was angry that her bag was knocked over. The teen repeatedly (and loudly) referred to the woman as a "b*tch" I felt familiar tension. People were cranky.

I leaned over to the four year old and tickled his hand, I leaned over and kissed the baby and played with the two year old hair. All the children started to relax and giggle. The woman (who was sitting across from us) watched and started to smile at the children. Soon the crankiness was forgotten and everyone was one there way again.

As for the cranky behavior of the woman and the teen. Were either of them right? Who knows!!! All I know is that this time, I decided to be pleasant in the face of all that crankiness. It was a choice I made. I think my choice had the most positive outcome.

May I make this kind of choice when faced with crankiness - including my own :)